God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
