I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
