Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
