Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
