I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
