I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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