It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
