My first STD was from a foam party
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
