I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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