thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
