im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
