I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize