sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The air taste purple.
Randomize
