U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
