why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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