this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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