I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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