Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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