life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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