My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think i peed on brittanys purse
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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