you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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