i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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