somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
