i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
