I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
