I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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