Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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