Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
