If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
