I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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