ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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