4 words: hood of his car
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
