I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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