I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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