btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize