im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just want nice things and good sex
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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