Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
