Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
