maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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