he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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