The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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