He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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