If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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