I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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