He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
