I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
