I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
MIDGETS
????
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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