Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
