And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
