New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
