i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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