just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
