So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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