i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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