last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
