So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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