He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
