There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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