just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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