yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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