I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize