I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
