so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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