i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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